A lot can change within a year
Before getting started, I would state that I do not have a specific direction for this write up. I do not exactly know what I want to write about. I only know I have quite a bunch of stuff in my head and I’m trying to offload them somewhere. Also, I sincerely hope no one gets to discover or read this write-up.
Strange, right? This just looks like a safe space to document this ‘eventful’ phase of my life and hope when I visit this memento (if I live long enough) in the future, I would grin at the minuscule worries and apprehension that has served as the muse for this story.
Okay.
A lot can change in a year. I put out a tweet recently about how a lot can truly change within a year, despite how cliche it might sound. When I tweeted that, I was rounding off my NYSC program and while reflecting on how the past year had been, I realized how much things had changed and continue to change.
I noticed the stark contrast between the situation when I started NYSC and how I was fairing while pulling down the curtains on the one year compulsory service.
I didn’t have unlimited access to pecuniary resources when I started, but I was doing well for myself as a fresh graduate. I mean, I had a stable job (not internship) before NYSC that covered for my basic needs and I was getting side gigs that mostly paid more than my salary. What that meant was as a young man, I could pay my bills, spoil myself occasionally, place a couple of relatives on allowance, respond confidently to my sister and cousins’ “hello brother” on WhatsApp which was/is basically a trojan horse for urgent 5k 3k here and there, and lend a helping hand to a few friends/acquaintances who needed help.
I wasn’t “unbelievably liquid” but I remember living the typical ‘big boy’ lifestyle throughout NYSC camp. There was even a time I discovered a forgotten 70k or thereabouts in one of my bank accounts. That was such disposable income I had.
Fast forward to present. Fresh realities and economic downturn has made ‘fowosere’ of last year to be more circumspect in money administration. With no side gigs in sight, shrinking job market with layoffs, shutdown and adjustments, and an “unstable stable income” in an exsanguinating economy like Nigeria’s, I now prioritize needs over wants and my heart skips a beat whenever my phone pops up those ‘hello brother’ texts.
A lot can change within a year.
I sometimes laugh at how tragic this is. In 2022–23, I had the conviction that it could only get better from where I was but little did I know it could get worse. Yes by all assessments, it got worse.
Like I stated earlier, I do not have a plan for this write up so I will continue to pen down whatever comes to my head.
So yes, I swallowed rejections, in gigantic proportions, this past year. Mahn, I had not encountered such enormous amounts of ‘Ls’ in my life. There was a point where I was besieged by torrents of rejection mails and I couldn’t do anything but scream that something positive and exciting should just happen to me.
The rain of ‘Ls’ hasn’t stopped and till the wins arrive, we keep clicking.
Yes. I think my departure from Ife is worth taking record of. So, after about 7 years, I finally left Ife, after finishing NYSC. It was a monumental journey and experience for me because as I wrote in my diary the day I departed the ancient town, I came as a trembling teenager but I left as a sapient young man, who is now grown in mind and body.
Lest I forget, there is an interesting story around the departure.
Before I fully graduated, I was already co-organizing conferences, moderating panels and attending events as a speaker in swanky halls and event spaces all around Lagos. As a matter of fact, quite a lot of my colleagues, social media friends, and stakeholders in the Nigerian tech industry which I am quite known in, thought and still think I’m a proper Lagos resident. It however came as a rude awakening to some people when I disclosed my intention to move to Akure after leaving Ife.
The shock was understandable, to be honest. With all the exploits I made in Lagos in the past two years, my left leg was already in the ‘fast and furious’ city so I was expected to stretch the right one to marry its companion, then stamp both on the sands of Eko Akete to continue conquering new grounds.
However, they say man proposes, God disposes. Just that in my case, lack of sufficient money for Lagos house rent disposed of my plans. Also, I didn’t want to put up with the upheavals attached to squatting all around like I had mostly been doing. So I thought to myself — why not lay low in Akure for a while, have a clear head/mind, and plan the next set of actions. So I considered that and I must admit that the earlier mentioned factors as well as the opportunity to be closer to my mum influenced the decision to move back to my home state.
I did not move back to my parent’s house, although I had to spend a month there, no thanks to diabolical house agents. After a series of battles that lasted a whole month, I finally secured my own apartment. I am in a better state of mind now and sincerely hope and pray that things get better for me and my loved ones subsequently.
Some of the lessons I have come to learn this past year is that success, at least for the members of my social strata, isn’t linear. There is no guarantee that the results you get will commensurate with your efforts. Nevertheless, we stay clicking.
Also, I have observed a dichotomy. At my age, I have friends/acquaintances that are deep-pocketed enough to own sleek cars, landed properties and have almost completed house projects. On the flip side, I have ones that ask me for urgent 2k, data subscription and other stuff I can consider inconsequential, despite the fact that I’m also struggling.
The polarity points to an antithesis — I do not have time, and I have time. Sounds banal, but immensely profound.
My birthday is coming up in a week and as usual, there is a palpable feeling of apprehension, anxiety and depression. I try to reflect on things that couldn’t come to being, what I should have accomplished by this age and how it feels I’m lagging behind my peers.
However, I have time, and I do not have time.
I think that’s all I have on my chest for now.
My public diary, till I write again.👋🏾
